DECEMBER 2017 HOROSCOPES

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) A strong person in disguise, you are not afraid to show it when the times comes to use your power. Go and lift other people’s spirits with your funny personality. Make crazy faces like Kevin Hart, or randomly break out your jazz hands. It’s okay to be weird! Who ever said that being normal is a thing now?

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) The night is still young! Do something adventurous! Go search for some UFO’s while drunk on chocolate milk. You have always been that person who is up for anything! Invite others to join your journey with you. Good times and great friends always make the best memories.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Your alarm is going off at 7am. You hit snooze and just need ten more minutes of sleep. You wake up at 9:10, late for work. Screw it! Looks like you’ll quit! It’s okay to not like your job. Find something that will make you happy; sometimes you just have to focus on yourself for a change.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) What’s wrong, Pisces? You are looking sad today. Sometimes life can be challenging, but keep your head up and break a leg - not literally, though. Know your worth because somewhere out there, there’s a unicorn waiting to be pet for your accomplishments under a rainbow.

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) Love is in the air for you this month. You are finally not the third wheel holding two glasses of wine. You have always thought that you couldn’t find love, but after all your patience it’s finally looking like your wish is coming true. On the third snowfall, kiss that special person under the moon and don’t let them go.

Taurus (Apr 20- May 20) You are a good listener and your cooking skills are amazing! You’re a cereal killer! Milk and frosted flakes in a bowl - how original. We all know we would like to come home after a long day to a nice meal, so you got this all down Taurus! Order take out and prep it up like you made it. Choice of dinner tonight: tacos! Always tacos! Ariba!

Gemini (May 21-June 20) You can be a competitive person and like a good challenge. You were probably that one kid who would remind teachers about homework when they forgot to assign it. Be careful while playing the game Monopoly this week; it’s known to ruin friendships. Let the games begin!

Cancer (June 21-July 22) Stop waiting around and ask that person out already! Don’t wait too long because someone else might swoop them up before you. Be careful - it could be Libra. Don’t tell your one friend who’s overprotective of you where you are going, because next thing you’ll know they’re sitting at the next table in disguise with a mustache on.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22) Dear Leo DiCaprio, you have made me cry so many times in the movie Titanic! Darn your good acting skills! Oops… wrong Leo. You run into your crush and you’re feeling a bit shy. You’re getting nervous and you’re trying to think of what to say. Quick! Show them a picture of your cats to attract them! Because who doesn’t love pets? Smooth move my friend, smooth move.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22) Hello you beautiful creature! Stop overthinking it and just go for it; make a decision already. Get that chocolate cake and eat it proudly! Next thing you know it’ll go straight to your thighs or even your ass. Who says that being a little curvy is bad? You’re feeling a little insecure, but never let that stop you from walking in a room like you own the place. Go check yourself out in the mirror, because honey, you are looking fabulous today.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22) It’s your chance spread those wings and soar! Get to your destination without flying into a rock. Show the ones who ever doubted you that they were wrong. You are an intelligent person, but when it comes to making a decision use your brain wisely. Remember E=MC^2. Albert Einstein would be proud.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) You are looking for good karma. Go and pay it forward, or write an inspirational letter and leave it somewhere special. Soon it will land in the hands of someone who’s having a bad day. Make this a weekly routine. Hopefully someone gets to read each and every one of them before the zombie apocalypse comes along to ruin it.